overwhelmed
with choice
is how i fraccture my life
how i spend my days
wondering
what i actually
truly
really
want to do/read/wear/make/get into
next
November 15, 2023
saw a broadway show last night
a show that did Spectacle very well
and i think that’s what i need to start expecting
from broadway —
not art
not top talent
not top tier anything
except Spectacle
i realize this has an edge of
disappointment
to the phrasing,
but i don’t necessarily mean it as such;
i mean, if i stop expecting what broadway isn’t going for
then maybe i *won’t* be disappointed
over
and over
and over
again
November 14, 2023
i am living in dreams
this morning:
asking my Grandmama all the questions i thought of
at her memorial;
snuggling with my Mom, refusing to question why
her dying would be a test
that i passed
after six months of her gone;
exploring a Gaza un-riddled with holes;
and persuading governments
Not
to fund a genocide.
these are my
wildest imaginings in sleep.
November 13, 2023
meandering thinking
writing
reprocessing my brain-wiring
into something maybe more conducive
to living life
calmly
patiently
happily
[if i can dream]
November 12, 2023
most days i’m at least
a little
excited to write
something
but this morning
damn near
nothing
makes me want to go
the way i normally go
[i’ve been shopping for unnecessary new clothes
as if i can change my entire life
by dressing like
someone new]
November 11, 2023
my fear
is so loud
that i’ll write about something
i don’t understand
and offend
or embarrass
[others/myself in that order]
and rather than trying
and learning
i hide
and hide harder
and hide longer
and hide farther into myself
just wanting
wanting
wanting
to write
but never doing any of it in sight.
November 10, 2023
sometimes i write poetry for the page
tapering each line down just a
little bit lower so that
aesthetically it
pleases
and other times i compose rows and rows of possibilities in my head
waiting for the right syllable to fit in
and taste so good as it fills my mouth
with alliterative qualities
i can’t imagine life without
and rhymes and mines of tongue twisters
laying in wait, waiting to trip up an unsuspecting mouth
but it all settles into something that i can chew and spit spit spit
out
with a rhythm all of my own making
all of my own devising
all of my own words
humbly arriving
as they should
but
most of the time
i create for
both
November 9, 2023
i wish
i wish
i wish
i didn’t make myself cringe
with every thought or written word or
every kind of close to rhyme
i just want to create art
that doesn’t care about being art
[that is the purest kind]
November 8, 2023
what you need to understand
[‘you’ in this case meaning
a new reader to this poetry blog]
is that i do not write poetry
carefully
i do not rewrite and rerewrite and rererewrite —
i throw some ideas on my keyboard
and sometimes they become words
and sometimes those words fit together
just enough
to become a poem.
i don’t write with purpose
except to get more and more art out into the world
[and get these loud loud stanzas out of my head]
i don’t write for perfectionism’s sake
since perfectionism runs/ruins the rest of my life.
what you need to understand
is that this will never be
e.e. [cummings]
or dickinson [comma] emily
or bukowski
or angel nafis
or rupi
[though my shorter poems definitely emulate her]
these poems are rarely edited
barely re-read
not much adjusted to page from my head —
there’s no rhyme scheme
except
what sometimes fits together happenstance-ily,
and helping the chaos
reign itself in
is what i’m doing with these words
again and again and again —
so please,
heed my warning,
don’t expect much literarily from these words/phrases/stanzas/poems —
but expect me to show up
as i am this [and every] morning
and get something out
from me
to myself
[and then to you, if you want to read it]
[no pressure tho]
November 7, 2023
unlikely
friends
unseen
enemies
undeveloped
plot lines
and unresolved
illnesses
i guess a good start to november?