oh space heater
shaped like a wood fire
glowing with false embers
warm my bones
and dry my socks
and let this floor-sitting/floor writing
be worth it
October 3, 2022
oh yeah!
i wrote
last night
creatively
script-ily
a whole scene
i can do it
i can write
(other than poetry)
but i sure can
still write
a whole bunch
of
poems
~~~
there are things
to do
today
and i’m actually
excited
to do them?
~~~
sad
puppy dog eyes
gazing up at me
as if i could protect her
from everything
i will try, Computer,
i will try
October 2, 2022
even though
the depression still hits me
it doesn’t seem quite as
self-hating
as usual
[today]
October 1, 2022
the puppy
plays with her ball
not a care in the world
meanwhile
the cat
cares deeply
about the food
that has yet to be
hand-delivered
to her
September 30, 2022
an end
to September
a month i thought i had
far more of
to do
and plan
and write
and post
but October is not an ending
it is a beginning
[as are all months,
but the winter ones feel more like finalés
than startings]
a beginning to a full month of fall,
a beginning to full-out spooky mode–
set out decorations
finalize plans for costumes
(maybe even plan a party),
a start to drawloween/inktober/drawtober/whatever we
decide to do
daily/weekly/monthly tasks
making the shorter days
fly by
with creativity
and panache
and a little bit of stress
and a whole lot of art
and i could get overwhelmed
with planning for November
and then how it’ll turn to December
in basically the blink of an eye
but i
have decided to live fully
inside this October
when it comes
but right now
good-bye,
September,
good-bye.
September 29, 2022
i
don’t
wanna
do it
i don’t
want
to morning pages
i don’t
want to write
this morning
i don’t
want to be forced
or force myself to be
creative
fake inspiring
inspired
by the cold outside
(or inside for that matter)
by my sleepy eyes
or exhausted brain
or heart that has yet to gain
any sort of strength
(they say the heart is a muscle
but how do you exercise it
to be more open
more loving
more child-like
more you?)
i
don’t
wanna do
anything
so instead
i’m writing
about the feeling
and hoping
you’ll understand
too
September 28, 2022
my father warned me
to be careful
with my love,
to not say it
unless i truly meant it,
to dole it out in
parts
because caution
was his motto
i told him i do mean it
fully
every time i tell a friend
those three words
and with the family, too
i give out my love
to those who deserve it
(and yes, some who may not
but still probably need it)
because love is not
a finite resource–
it’s an energy
that bounces around the universe
sparkling through humans
and non-humans alike
(don’t come at me
and don’t tell me dogs
don’t love/
or any pet
for that matter/
or the earth
to continue turning/
and the sun to continue shining/
and the breeze to continue blowing/
even tho we
constantly
take them all for granted
and destroy them like they weren’t
the finite resource
my father tried
to convince me of
with love)
love
is healing
love
is what we need
now
love
can’t fix everything
but it is a
very good
beginning
so
i love you
and i mean it.
(this poem was inspired by
the kinship worldview
a philosophy for living
that most, if not all
Indigenous communities share
and i learned about
from a book
that you should read too,
called “Restoring The Kinship Worldview”
that may give you something
to meditate
about)
September 27, 2022
exactly one year
in this house
and this day
was similar to
many many other days
and i think that
is the point
September 26, 2022
is that
actually
what i’m doing
when i write
and post
my poetry?
i’m fitting myself
into each word
and phrase
and whichever one
comes closest
to revealing the true
me
is the one that meets
The Void
of the interwebs?
could be,
could be…
September 25, 2022
snickerdoodles
and pumpkin pecan coffee
and spooky tunes
and writing poems
all
for
breakfast
~~~
i know
that it’s not
the same
but seeing our tiny puppy
in pain
reminds me of the stories
parents tell
of seeing their children
hurt
or sick
for the first time
and how frustrating it feels
to be utterly helpless
to not be able to explain to your baby
‘this cough will pass
you just need to rest’
or
‘i can’t magically make you better
even though i give you
every other
necessity
needed
for life’
wanting to do everything
and being able to do nothing
and those eyes asking for the world
which you’d give
in an instant
if you
only
could
~~~
thank you
Louka
for the treats
with the natural pain relief
so this puppy could get excited
about them
instead of concentrating on
her hurt leg
and helping her
sleep
some pain
away