July 3, 2026

how to survive the heatpocalypse

-drink plenty of water
like, you know you already drink more water than the average person, but now is the time to truly indulge — refill your water bottle before it’s completely empty, make sure you are never out, limit your caffeine intake (even though you’ve seen more and more headlines indicating that coffee does not dehydrate you, better to play it safe when you’re sweating out all of the liquids you’re ingesting), and speaking of sweating, make sure you get those salts and electrolytes! at least one pack of liquid iv per day, in cold cold water, sometime between noon and 8pm, so you can indulge in the nice, cooling feeling of fridge water, as well as the important extra things your body needs that you can’t just get from over a hundred fluid ounces of plain water alone. (in a pinch, and if you’re away from home, buying a gatorade or the like will also help). and though they are tempting, it’s probably best to avoid the sugary sodas left over from the end-of-semester pizza party. you can indulge when it’s not one hundred degrees outside.

-check each room’s a/c and sleep in the strongest one
really analyze — the window units are old and probably need either filter-changes or to be thrown away (but you hate throwing away things until they are fully broken down, and you cannot, for the life of you, find window a/c units that fit your 96-year-old house’s tiny windows, so you’ll probably use them until they fully die, but they also can’t really take this heat bubble, so just see how they’re doing), the bedroom one seems to be struggling more, so perhaps you don’t get to sleep in your bed tonight, but the downstairs one is doing alright in conjunction with the ceiling fan, but it’s also trying to cool the whole downstairs, which is rough on these units which are you-don’t-actually-know-how-old, plus your spouse suspects it is couch-sleeping that makes their shoulder hurt the worst, so the newest, non-window a/c in the guest room it is, which cools the room down almost immediately, and keeps the heat down, though has the downfall of being sucked in by whomever is closest, so you make sure your spouse sleeps next to it, because they cannot sleep overheated, and you know you’ll sleep, just restlessly, and that’s not much different from most nights, to be honest.

-train your body to sleep over the covers
so you have the things you need, as a former/current insomniac, to actually fall asleep (you haven’t yet trained your body to stay asleep, but hey, fixing half the problem is a huge gain!), but this is, unfortunately, not the time to use the bundling of blankets as your immediate-fall-asleep-spell. you have your other things: on your stomach, hands tucked just under your pillow, at least one animal next to or on you, your spouse next to you (though probably no cuddling, seeing as how hot it is, even with the a/c blowing), this is the time to use your training of your body in tricksy ways — you know you can’t fall asleep unless all of your body is coated in clothes, use your long sleeved shirt, long leggings, knee-high socks, and the hot air around you to trick your body into believing it’s under five blankets. let that lull you into a kind-of-comfort in order to kick-start sleep.

-trust the animals to know what they need
yes, you will need to provide more water throughout the day to them, or open the door to let them into/out of the rooms with closed-door a/c units blowing, but if you start trying to chase them down to give them water, or worry overnight that they are overheated and should really be elsewhere than where they are because they are all fur and no sweat glands, you will anxiety yourself into your high-school self. they are animals. they are used to having fur coats. neither of them enjoys the cold of the winter, so they’re probably doing alright. they will scratch at the door when they want in or out. they will pant to cool down. they will drink the water when they are thirsty. keep an eye on them, surely, but if you worry too hard about them, there will be no rest for anyone, and that’s probably the most useful thing to survive for everyone in this house — rest

-plan for that rest
though you are very good about surviving in the heat of the city, the hot train cars, clacking that fan to breeze away your sweat, bringing your own shade with you in the form of an umbrella everywhere, if you have the luxury of working from home or cancelling plans, do it. stay in the shade and the coolness of the parts of the house that stay cool. it is lucky that it’s a holiday weekend, so you can even indulge in some kip-time that includes chilling on the couch together, playing with the puppy, writing, stretching, nothing too strenuous, and definitely nothing taking you into the city with the heat increasing and increasing with every glass-sided building and concrete-finished ground. your area is tree-filled and therefore cooler than the average nyc neighborhood. use it. utilize it. stay here. stay as long as you can, as long as the electricity works.

-and speaking of electricity — don’t over-use it
delay laundry day, so you’re not trying to run a dryer on top of multiple a/c units. turn the fans on and the lights off. let the a/c units not run too strong during the day (it’s the nighttime when you actually need them anyway). don’t run big electronics. don’t be the cause of a brown-out. don’t get mad when the electricity doesn’t run as hard as other days because the electricity-provider is trying to prevent a brown-out. use showers as cooling, hand-fans, ice-packs, keep the fridge closed, eat leftovers cold. there are always ways that you can conserve the electricity and still get cool. do them now.

-know that it will be over in just a few days
while the trend, due to climate change, is increasing in amount and severity these heat bubbles and polar vortexes and once-in-a-lifetime storms (which we’ve seen at least two dozen of in our three decades of living so far), the nice thing about weather is that it changes and moves and the wind takes things away and we will get a respite in a few days. you never thought that seeing a high of “just” 90 would fill you with relief, but after multiple days of over 100 being estimated, the “feels-like” temperature crawling higher and higher, revel in the respite when it comes. and maybe, just maybe, run out into the thunderstorm when it brings even cooler fronts with it. forget about avoiding wetting your rainbow hair and just enjoy the natural coolness of the rain.

-and then potentially do this all over again…

July 2, 2026

it is
HOT
outside

the air is thick
to breathe

i’ve started sweating
at the elbows

and even i
am getting
uncomfortable

[but i’d still rather be outside,
though in the shade or breeze,
than inside where the a/c has been blasting
so hard, i start shivering…
shivering!
in the summertime!]

[maybe that’s a reason
to move to
paris…]

July 1, 2026

i constantly want to organize
but it seems damn near impossible
but i know that the impossibility
has more to do with the vastness
the number of things there to organize
and if i start now
then maybe, maybe the extent of things
the number added
would simply fall into the organization
neatly

wouldn’t that be
nice?

[but i know it is far more likely
the organization will spill over
into the chaos of the rest of the house…

how to organize with
limited place
without throwing everything
out
and starting all over again?]

June 29, 2026

i’m feeling
a
type
of
way
and i don’t necessarily know
what type of way that is
but at least i know why

change
and staying the same

change is
show ending
kip starting a brand new job
[that, granted, is not in france
but still, a big change]
change is
going back to things
circus
friendships
that may have paused
while i was so damn busy
change is
fixing up the house into something i
might want to make [and perhaps film]
physical projects inside
[and make room to have it so that
kip feels at home in our home
as well/still]

and staying the same is
having a mess
as usual
and being too open for my own damn good
and not knowing how to interact in social
[and non-social] situations…
i wish there was an instruction manual for living
[but, let’s be honest, would i follow it?
or would i deem it too ‘societally normative’ and
literally and/or figuratively throw it out the window
or
or
would i want a societal manual just to decide
what is for me and what is not?
and that begs the question
even if i read
and intended
to follow, would i actually be able to
or would i still fall back into
what i know/feel best
which is how i act
and i just am who i am
and that’s all that i can be
and i needn’t be worrying myself so
about all of this?]

and the conclusion of this poem is that
change happens
and sameness happens
and there are no instructions for life because
we are all just who we are
and that is all we [probably] ever will be

and that is ok.

June 28, 2026

Pride

not a sin
not a parade
not an opportunity to buy rainbow things
not just a march
not just a month
not just a gathering of community much needed
but
a vibe shift
another word for joy
a holding society through a season of change
a riot
a protest
a holding society’s feet to the fire when it comes to what is deemed
acceptable
and what is not
a lifeline
a party
but only if all are included together
a personal curiosity
a way to show support and empathy
a reconfiguring of societal acceptance
no longer as what is wanted
but as our society
holding the power
and saying to the “majority”
you cannot cannot cannot make decisions
for the most downtrodden —
it is morally reprehensible when the most alone of us
are not
lifted
up

Pride is a way to lift each other up

and if that is not what is happening
i want no part in it

[if you are in the nyc area, go march in the
Queer Liberation March
today]

June 27, 2026

writing before 7
writing before i’m fully awake
writing before breakfast
before coffee fully takes effect
before i know what my mind is doing this day
but i also know
later today
i’ll have no desire to write
or
the desire will be there
but the motivation
the actually action
will cease
so morning writing it is
with its
imperfections
and sleepy word choices
and distractability

at least i’m sitting here
writing

that’s more than i can say for
the rest of my day

June 26, 2026

7:13 am

any thirteen gives me joy
gives me hope
gives me strength
gives me
smiles

it can be the date
or the time
or a number just randomly up somewhere
but
every time
i see a thirteen
anywhere
i smile just a little wider than before
and think to myself
‘maybe
just maybe
i can keep going’

[if i live past 100
i only only want to if i can get to
113]

June 25, 2026

i wish i could think of all the words i can’t think of right now

i wish i could recall all the vocabulary that’s in my head
but they’re stuck behind sticky mind-doors
where the mental wood has warped over the years of trauma
and protecting myself against trauma

the maze in my mind
simply to find
a fucking synonym
is atrocious

[i measure out how detrimental it is to the poem
if i should sit and think, and perhaps get lost in my own thoughts
or stop and look it up on the internet, and thereby lose the spell i cast
on my own poetry being sans-internet-influence,
or ask my kip
or set a reminder to go back and check
at a later time…

usually i set a reminder in the way of brackets around one word
and hope i can find the exact alternate
i thought i could think of
at the time of writing]

June 24, 2026

teaching —

as a child, i gave gifts
and thank you cards
to many [most?] [all?] of my teachers
[of course with my parents’ help]

but i kinda forgot that was a thing that could be done

as i got older, and effort became more effortful,
it was my job to just get through school, writing
notes was something kids did who had their shit together
[or at least both parents living and/or relatively sober
enough to help with the logistics of it all]
and since school, i’ve wished i could be the kind of person
who gave cards to everyone involved in a play, or wrote
christmas cards at the end of the year, but i think i got
into the habit too soon of seeing it as an overwhelming task,
so i leave the physical notes out, and just try to tell people
in person
in the moment
when i’m thankful for them.

but

i suppose i made an impact
[or at least these kids have their parents’ help and reminders]
[and money]
enough to get three cards
three gift cards
three thank you notes
[and one gorgeous painting]
and i will treasure each one
for as long as i can
because each one
[even the one that just says
‘thank you for the pizza. love ya dawg’]
were a mark of thinking of me
[as i’ve thought of them
when lesson planning and stressing and looking back and enjoying]
and i’m thankful for them
and it’s just a beautiful circular pattern
of thinking
and thanking
and i hope they [and their parents]
know how much
i appreciate them
all