May 10, 2026

i don’t remember
a lot

my brain is a sieve where
each experience passes
lovingly
but without mercy

and sometimes big chunks do get stuck
and they are the memories i get stuck on
and replay over
and over
and over
without mercy
to my own psyche

but others show up when reminded
[thank goodness for that little brain trick]
by an object or a person
telling the same story from their perspective
and in those moments
it’s like a magic trick — the memory bursts forth
like a trick bouquet of flowers
from a magician’s shirtsleeves

and i am thrown backwards
winded from my own remembering
and hopeful this time
this time
[maybe]
that memory will be
saved
from the sieve

May 6, 2026

as i write
and write and write
throughout my life
i wonder what it’s all about
who it’s all for

if it’s all for me, that seems
statistically
a little daft

for there are billions of
people on this planet of ours
and even more that have come before
and will join us
after we are all
gone

so to write for only one life
that feels
foolish

but again, the human condition is such that
writing truly and honestly
for yourself
often makes happenstance happen
and many many others
see themselves in your
words

so to write for others
in a way that makes others feel seen
you need not think of the others
[you must not think of the others]
else the writing comes off as
cliche
or trying to hard
or pandering to an audience

i can’t stop myself from thinking of an audience
even as i write these morning poems
daily
daily
daily
that i doubt even i could ever get through
on a re-read

i can’t help but wonder
if someone will love reading my words
with as much care and mild obsession
as i took writing them

[or is that not true — i’m not really careful
or obsessing
as i write these
every
single
morning — i’m flinging them
stanza by stanza
out into the ether
and hoping they catch the eye
of someone
who needs them]

May 5, 2026

drink water
stay hydrated
don’t forget
don’t dehydrate

advice
from one probably-adhd, nonbinary, depressed and anxious millennial queer
to another

May 4, 2026

kip
going out
doing things
meeting for dinners and
going to networking events
in the city

and me
going out
doing things
running friends around and
socializing and working outside of the house
going into [and out of] the city

we’re acting like
a couple of new yorkers!

[it only took the looming threat
of a move
and/or unemployment
to get us here]

May 3, 2026

breathe through
the pain
the panic
the day
the week
the month
the year
the administration
the takeover
the ugliness
the inhumanity
the world
the lifetime

[a life is meant to be lived
fully, not
breathed
through
until the end]

[if only those who made it this bad
did any meditation
of self-reflection
of their own damn actions]

May 2, 2026

remind me of my past
the parts i like, i mean
and hang out with me into the darkness
talking
reminiscing
reminding
planning
hoping
scheming
and gathering new memories
for later hangouts’ nostalgia

friendship is so important

but why does it make me so
nervous?