December 6, 2021

a glitch in the system
(nah, just the page/the app/the writing)
and a glitch in my body
(nah, just my sleep)
and a glitch in the world
(well, that one might be true?)

(ok, not really, but still…)

(ok, there are way too many conspiracy theorists
believing things without evidence
that i cannot abide associating myself with them,
so no, i don’t actually truly think this universe/world/life is a simulation,
but
if that were to be what was revealed
at the end of it all,
it really wouldn’t surprise me)

December 4, 2021

the fourth

the fourth the fourth the fourth
not even the day of her death
but her birth
so why does it hurt
like it’s 2001
and she doesn’t get to turn
40?
why does it hurt
like two years later i dreamt
she re-appeared, so full of life,
explaining it had been a test
to see how strong
i was?
why does it hurt
like i haven’t talked
and talked and talked and talked
in therapy
to partners
to my other parent
and parental figures
and myself
and even at her
about loss
and mourning
about denial
and anger
and bargaining
and depression?
but apparently i’ll never fulfill all the steps
because it hurts
and hurts and hurts and hurts

[and not every fourth is like this
but this one,
it hurts.]

December 2, 2021

beats
plus
birds
wake me up
put me in the mood
to be a person today.

~~~

just because i seem to have
lost my love for morning writing
does not mean
that i have lost all my love
for just writing

(maybe i just need a nap
like yesterday)

~~~

what to do
in a morning
where one feels so off
but so close
to being
On?

~~~

the birds in my music
meld
with the birds outside
and i am reminded
of
Costa Rica

~~~

maybe someday
i’ll listen to music again
maybe someday
i’ll put together playlists upon playlists upon playlists
maybe someday
i’ll know exactly what i want to listen to
maybe someday
maybe someday…

~~~

the cat stares
at nothing
(or is it a ghost?)
alert
eyes huge
but alas
she turns away before
i can write a whole poem
about her
stance

December 1, 2021

go to bed late
in order to relax at least a little
while awake
(after tough, tough decisions are made)

wake up early
in order to get your spouse
out the door
off to work
(in person)

finish some chores
accomplish some goals
take care of the every-day to-do things
and then

NAP

in order to wake up
cuddled with your dog,
splashed with streaks of sunlight,
rainbows dancing all around the room
floating over your skin,
feeling like this is a Day,
not a trial, a burden, a slog

(and then,
write
it
out.)

November 29, 2021

i’m feeling
settled
[not settling]
comfortable
in my own skin
in my place in life
content.

this is not an emotion i am familiar with
at all
but it’s nice to know it can come to me
every once in a while
(and maybe, just maybe,
this settled/comfort/contentment,
can propel me towards my next
endeavor.)

~~~

i feel like
i don’t do
Morning Pages/
Morning Poetry
the same as i used to,
but that could be ok.
maybe there are days when i need
to write/poem it out,
and those are the days when my word count
lands solidly into the mid-three digits,
and there are a few days when i know what i need to say
and one short poem
is all i need for the morning,
and then there are days like today
when i don’t need to write to figure things out,
but i’d like to write to
have something written
(and also because i’m figuring out how to be awake)
so i suppose
it’s all
alright.

~~~

someday
i’ll count all the hobbies
i’ve acquired
over the years
(and those with supplies
but no real forward movement)
but for today
i’ll say
i’m happy i have a spouse
who keys into my ever shifting hobbies
(and also flits in and out of their own)
so soon, this house will be filled with
wood whittling projects
and perhaps even a soldering pencil!

November 28, 2021

also
when driving
takes the joy
out of the date of birth
(but time is a mortal construction,
both you and your spouse agree);
celebrating
the next day
is perfectly acceptable
(and even encouraged)