November 24, 2021 (part two)

Family means so much
to so many people

my genetic relatives profess
Family
as the utmost of all people
those who have your back no matter what
the only humans you can truly count on
(most of them still live within a thirty minute drive of each other to this day.)

my friends, my community, unaccepted within their blood kin
find Found Family
to love them
without reservation
without expectation
without conditions
and count on each other

i am lucky enough to have both
blood and non-blood relations
who love me
unconditionally
but that brings with it
division of time
of love
of feelings
of celebrations

(and it is only the Family from birth
who saw me grow as i did
which is sometimes a good thing
and sometimes a not so good thing;
and there are memories,
sometimes lovely
sometimes hard
when in their company)

but

there is an awfully grand sense of growing
when i am able to fully help with the labor
i only ever messed up or ignored
as a child;
and to be able to pass that on to
the children younger than myself…

that feeling, it’s

Indescribable.

November 22, 2021

the joyful teasing
the conviviality of being around each other
the discussing
planning
problem-solving
the sharing, watching, playing
the family.

~~~

observation;
my downfall
[/upfall?]

~~~

can i
just
be good at acting
[on my own]
without needing such guidance
to stop overthinking?

[please???]

November 21, 2021

i always forget
before leaving on any sort of
vacation
just how much i will
miss
new york city.

~~~

what to do
what to say
what to write
what, today?

~~~

is sleeping
in one’s
childhood bed
truly as relaxing
as it seems?

(i’ll check in after another day or so
to inform of my personal findings)

November 20, 2021

Trans Day of Remembrance
another bloody year
another bloodiest year

i don’t know if i’ll be able to observe
being in the car
for upwards of 8 hours
throughout the entire day
today
but i’ll ponder
i’ll think
i’ll contemplate
i’ll mull
i’ll meditate
on how truly free
we truly are
not.