August 7, 2022

an ode to circus bruises

you browngreygreenpurplebluesometimesred
indication that a new skill has been unlocked
and unlocked
and unlocked again
continued practice making more marks
but eventually
in a week
or two
or month
or so
you’ll fade to skin
and the skill will be rote
and the bruises no longer pop up
because my body
now knows
that pose

and on to the next one

August 6, 2022

someday
i’d like to write
like the words were
rolling off my tongue-
tied to find the perfect
letter/syllable/sound/
the pound-ing in my ear
shifting from
pain and pressure
to a rhythm underneath
every
word
every
word
every
word
i say

August 5, 2022

if my connection to the universe
shows itself in
gut-feelings
and pre-physical-incident indications

and i can analyze those
to near-death
because i am so damn
analytical

then maybe, if i stop the overthinking
(or at least cut it down
as much as possible)
could my connection show itself
in other ways?

if i’m still getting the connection(s)
at my most evidence-needed/
over-thinking/
super-agnostic/
self,

what would happen if/when
i just
trust?

August 4, 2022

success
isn’t always fleeting
sometimes it’s delayed
or avoided
or even unknown

sometimes
success
means something different
from the outside than from the in

sometimes
success
shouldn’t be measured
anyway
because accomplishment
and competition
stem from that same capitalism
that’s ruining
everything

August 3, 2022

oh to be a puppy
happily chewing a faux bone
no cares in this world
but what to do if it gets lost
under a couch

oh to be a cat
content to sleep all day
and chase ghosts all night
and lay down all comfy
in whatever lap
she decides
wants her

oh to be a summer storm
rolling in to a parched land
thankful of the temperature-lowering powers
it brings with it
dropping rain
and giving an excellent light show
and changing the air pressure
for a time

oh to be anything but human
in late stage capitalism
here at this point in history–
the crossroads of
‘will we start caring
as a community
or will we let the world
burn?’

August 2, 2022

a stress
a little baby stress
is turning into a huge, monstrous, mountainous stress
and not because it’s actually getting bigger
but because i’m waiting longer
to deal with it

[when will i learn?]

~~~

but that’s the thing, isn’t it, about humans and stress–
different folks deal with different stressors
in different ways

~~~

maybe
just maybe
i might
just need
a nap

[and maybe
possibly
potentially
that’s part
of the
problem???]

ugh
being human…

July 31, 2022

audiences
are integral
to a performance

i wish it wasn’t so,
but it sure is.

so, if the audience’s energy
is lively,
is loving the show,
is literally having the time of their life–
the performer(s) will, too.
one hundred percent.

i usually tell new performers
(especially in circus)
to enjoy themselves on their apparatus–
the audience will respond to that enjoyment
and enjoy themselves,
and that energy from the audience
will encourage the performer,
who will send their energy back to the audience,
for a kind of reciprocal feedback loop
of joy.

but i often neglect
(on purpose)
the very real instances
of audiences being super low energy:
not responding to any energy from the performer(s);
or being weird:
responding in unexpected ways
that throws the performer’s energy off–
because you have to be a well-seasoned performer
to pick that kind of energy out
consciously
(but even novices will be able to tell
that something
is simply
‘off’)

July 30, 2022

does writing
get easier
the more i do it?

no.

does it at least get
more
intuitive?

no.

ok, but does it
seem like
it’s part of me,
like i could finally call myself
a ‘writer’
after writing
every single morning
since early 2020/
after finishing
a first draft
of a whole novel/
after keeping up
with this
daily poetry blog
for 470+ days?

kind of…?