February 12, 2023

a puppy
eating ice cream
and then the whole container

what a treat

~~~

sometimes i worry
that i’m wasting my writing talents
on publishing in a blog

but then i am reminded
of folks who may have thought
i wasted my acting talents
on community theatre

and who is wasting
and who is benefiting
in either of those situations?

is it simply
elitist?
classist?
or simply the whole vibe of white supremacist culture
to give some places
more standing
than others?

i suppose what i’m saying is
tho i wish more folks would read my words
and i saw more accolades and admissions of quality
(moreso for my own validation/vindication/curiosity)
i’ll continue to place it
here
for anyone to come across it
who may want or need it
(including me)

~~~

late night writing
(ok
again
not really that late)
toasty fireplace
cozy tea
coffee ready to be placed in the fridge
for tomorrow morning
when i’ll write all over again

February 10, 2023

sunflowers
are my favorite flower.
something about the big, bright, open yellow
captivates me
and makes me
(almost always slightly secretly dour)
smile so huge.

i often forget that half of the flower is brown,
the earth/
the base of nature/
it wouldn’t be a sunflower without that circle of non-yellow;
the seeds to form new flowers in the future
the giving after giving
of joy/
of new life/
of another kind of open-ness.

i know it’s a bit toxic
to constantly give,
but take it from the sunflower:
sometimes giving gives us our own beauty.

February 9, 2023

is my autocorrect
sabotaging me?
filling in where i mean to leave off?
changing stances in stanzas
that need the awkwardness i placed?

my dear laptop computer,
please—
poetry is a delicate balance
of grammatically correct
and rule-breaking chaos
and i need to tread that line very carefully
so any help from you,
while appreciated,
is really not needed…

so no need to try
so damn
hard.

February 7, 2023

i feel as though all my words this morning
are tilting towards something useful
a new perspective
or solid poetry
or something

but none of them are actually arriving

they are simply hanging
tilted
on the precipice of something
but nothing
is bringing them
back to
earth

February 5, 2023

i know
i’m not,
but i feel like i’d call myself
a human disaster.

i was going to compare it
to my perfectionistic tendencies,
but i think they are tightly interwoven;
like
if i wasn’t a perfectionist
i wouldn’t be assessing myself
in the ‘disaster’ arena—

i’d just let me be me.

February 4, 2023

acting
theatre
the arts

they are art
but they are also my job

and so i view them as such
otherwise
i get too overwhelmed
i get too anxious over everything

so if i treat them as a career
a necessity
an activity i’ve done so much i could probably do it in my sleep
they don’t hold power over me

and then i can do them

better