December 31, 2025

one year ago i was so apprehensive
of the impending twenty twenty five

i wept the day of the eve
fearing the worst
not even letting myself hope for the best,
the best i could hope for
was survival

and i did survive this horrid year
[and had some lovely adventures
within it]

but i can’t close out this year without acknowledging
the lives lost
and livelihoods/health/sanity thrown away
due to the ultimate greed of
just a few
just a few
who make decisions
for the many
the many who
they don’t even care about

ceos
and presidents
and random fuckbags who like to set social media sites
on fire
for fun
should not have the choke-hold they do
on our society

and while i can complain
and condemn

i do not want to be like them

so instead i’ll say:
human beings matter
and deserve fair treatment
from the immigrant
to the trans child
to any person with darker skin than the congressional average —
being white
or male
or christian
or rich
or cis
does not make anyone better or more adept to make decisions for the rest;
for human beings contain multitudes
and each human knows what’s best for themselves
but not
for others
and i truly believe
if left to our own devices
and to our own community-based natures
we’d err on the side of righteousness
and kindness
so, even though twenty twenty six
may be filled with the same
cult leaders
and snake oil salesmen
and fearmongers
and dictators,
let us band together
in our local communities
to show each other
we care

[and we have the power
to say no
to white supremacist
racist
transphobic
bigoted
propaganda
disguised as
nationalistic
“history”

we can know
our own
true history
and we can work together
to make the future
so much better
than any of these old
unimaginative
dinosaurs
know what to do with]

[here’s to a wonderful
and kind
and free
2026]

December 30, 2025

we had a Giant Money Tree
for quite some time —
it arrived in brooklyn
and survived cat bites
and a big move
and multiple winters
and me not taking quite as good care of it
as i probably could have
and then a leak upstairs to down
and the cutting up of the ceiling
and drying it all out
with giant industrial fans
it was doing alright
but one wrong angle
it came toppling down
and it didn’t survive much longer after that

so we mourned it
and held our space where it used to thrive
put a snake plant there
but it doesn’t feel quite right
and finally
a year and a half
maybe two
later
we got a Little Money Tree at ikea
and hopefully this one
will thrive just like its predecessor
and hopefully hopefully hopefully
it will survive long past
how old the passed money tree lasted
because we now know
that industrial fans
are called so
for a
reason

December 29, 2025

how high would you fly
knowing you must, eventually, fall?

could you resist the sirens’ call
convincing your flawed human brain
you might just resist it all?

could you throw yourself, knowingly, into the sky
just to see what the view is like up there
just to prove yourself mighty
for a moment?

or could you stay down on the ground
safe
but knowing you’d never know what the clouds taste like?

December 28, 2025

i’ve always used poetry
to warm up for writing prose

but last night i wrote prose,
and this morning feel invigorated
to write poetry once more

and perhaps it is not the type of words i type
but instead simply the act of writing itself
which warms and invigorates and excites me
for future writings

[perhaps
perhaps
perhaps
i can call myself
a writer]

December 27, 2025

just past my house
on the dead-end street it lies upon
is a strange sort of
Wishing Well
and, well, it never grants wishes
instead it grants
Fears

but the nice thing is
most of our fears
are far worse in our heads
than they ever are
in real
life

so my fear of spiders
erupted
but didn’t bury me
as i’d assumed it would

and my little brother’s fear of losing his favorite toy
of course happened by him
dropping it in
but it was the late nineties by then
and his tonka truck was available
at any toys r us
and it “magically reappeared”
the next
morning

and my friend’s fear of
losing her grandfather
of course happened the minute she touched
the side of the well
but she also got to say goodbye to his spirit
which stopped by
at that very spot

so

so

well

i guess

what i’m trying to say is…

now that my fear is societal collapse
and ultimate armageddon,
but i also can’t see how we’ll get out of this
very rough point in history
without it
i’ve been thinking about that
Fearing Well
a lot
and wondering
if it’s still just past my parents’ old house
on that dead end street
and if believing in the magic of the object is enough
to cancel out the fact that
this fear is now
a wish
as well

December 26, 2025

i’m not really feeling writing

but i’m not really feeling
not writing
either

guess i’ll just
meander about this document
with words
[because that’s not writing
but it’s definitely not
not writing

right?]

December 24, 2025

eves are still for
excitement and
possibilities

no matter how old i grow
or how pessimistic i think i’m becoming
i still have the idea for what could be
just on my vision’s horizon

[i hope i never lose that]

December 23, 2025

so tired of all this allergy
or whatever it is
that’s making me puff up
like some sort of
animal balloon

first lips
then eye
then one little finger

will the rest of my body
fill
with hot air?

or am i going to be
deflated
soon?

December 22, 2025

it feels
so silly to me
how i can only accomplish chores
when i’m actively avoiding
other
chores

[procrasinactivity
procrasticomplishment
can’t do a task? add a new/more time sensitive one
and watch yourself procrastinate that task
with the original one!]

[so much fun…!]

~~~

i can do it
i can do things
i can do scary scary things
i can do things that seem overwhelming
because, in the end
they tend to be
just things
and this is
just life
it’s all ephemeral
and liminal
and temporary

[what lasts may just be
vibes]

~~~

like, i mean, the vibrations you send out into the universe

i totally meant that
when i first
wrote it