May 10, 2025

whenever folks have asked me, lately,
how i’m doing
[as a regular “good morning”/“hello again!” introduction]
i always answer honestly
[because i really can’t not
unless i’m in the midst of going somewhere else
and only have the time for the word “fine”]
i’ve been answering
after a pause
“good? i mean, if i’m not thinking about
the state of the world
and our country
and the eroding rights
that no one in power
seems to be stopping,
yeah, i’m actually, surprisingly, doing well.
but, you know, the minute i think about
anything outside of myself
i fall apart”

and the folks who have asked me
nod in agreement
then sigh and shake their heads in disgust
and we begin a dialogue
about all the terror
located in our nations capital
[and all over]

and while this hostile government takeover/
overt turn into fascism
is actively terrifying and illegal and immoral
it is making it okay
to talk about government abuses
in the day to day,
and be honest
that we shouldn’t actually
be okay,

so i suppose i’ll give it that.

[strangely, does fascism bring us all in
closer to community
because we actively, finally, see
what we all so desperately need?]

May 9, 2025

perhaps
i should
accept
that the world didn’t actually
end
all the times it felt
like it did

not at the end of 1999
not in 2001
not in 2005
not in 2008 or 2012 or even 2020
so perhaps
living life
as if it’s not a secret simulation
or a fever dream
but something to make the most of
would be a smarter goal

[but that’s also so much scarier
and i need to figure out
how much push gets me going
and how much puts me in
a damn near catatonic state
of straight up fear of missing out
on everything]

May 7, 2025

the days speed by
i get a glance
a flip of a flipbook
but the first few establishing shots
as i got the hang of it
went so much slower —
now they speed by
and i can’t tell if i’m missing a page
or a day
as the image on them
becomes something more than its individual parts
the still photos become a movie
the day to day becomes
a life

and i don’t like it

take me back to the days
when i could study each aspect
forever
and never knew what would happen
when it all flowed
freely
[uncontrollably]

May 6, 2025

spectacular
spectacle
and spectacles help us all
see
wonders
in our own
and each others’
eyes

for once
for twice
for as many times
as we might find a rhyme
and/or reason
to climb
and explore
and discover
and become
one
with some sort of
happiness
[if we can
if we can]

~~~

there’s still a bit of
misalignment
when it comes to
my own self
and my poet self

and i cannot tell if that’s because
i don’t perform my own poetry enough
that it becomes as second nature as
acting
or aerial
or simply listening
but my own poetry
i have to remind myself
‘i made this
and it isn’t
half
bad’

~~~

or perhaps it’s because
i’m all self-taught
and i’m just flying by
the seat of my pants
and i can’t totally tell
what works and what’s a fail
except that
some poems flow like water
and some drip like sludge
and every now and then
i find a rhyme that tastes as good as it sounds
but i don’t know how i found any of that
it just happens
through trial and error
every
single
time

like i’m always starting
from one

May 5, 2025

sometimes the yearning gets to be too much
and the decision is either to
delve deep
and inevitably find
that even as i try
to live in the memories of the moments gone by
i can’t even remember them
accurately
fully
or, sometimes,
at all

or

just pretend like i’m putting off that analysis
for another day
and put it of
and put it off
and wait
and wait
and wait for the day when
i will be able to remember accurately and fully
because of magic
or time travel
or something else entirely
[even though i know
full well
the first stanza of this poem
will never fully be fixed
so i prefer to live in this one
where the possibility
still
exists]

May 3, 2025

i don’t know how to stop my kip
from staring at their phone
reading the terrible news
and feeling worse
and worse
and worse
as the hours go by

because

if left to my own devices

i would stare at my phone
and watch videos of
on the ground tragedies
and feel worse
and worse
and worse
as the hours go by

and neither of us feeling worse
will change the things happening
halfway across the world
or right in our own backyard

we need to fill our cups
and have the hope
and energy
to put forth change
that will help
others
and ourselves

but
how
how
how
when everything feels so important
and hopeless
in the palms of our
hands?