May 21, 2025

literally
nothing
is set in stone

even stone is ephemeral

everything passes by
the sky wasn’t the sky
before there was a planet to help hold it in
and even the stars have beginnings and endings

so the rules we all have made up
for gender
for money
for even morality
nothing
nothing
nothing
is solid

we are all flowing through —
visitors to reality

let’s treat ourselves like guests
and stop trying to make our rules stick
to a place that will never ever ever have
anything
to stick to

May 20, 2025

there is a genre
of media and music and story
where the off-putting shift
from our reality
to something similar
but not quite what we’re used to
is put forth as a sort of comfort
along with being
unsettling

and that is my absolute niche

[but i’d like to create as well as imbibe
sometime
soon]

May 19, 2025

i have no idea
what time is even
doing

i’m passing my days by
sliding past them
as they slip past me

we barely wave to each other

and a new day is by my side

[and the whole play
plays out again]

May 18, 2025

hiding
or fighting
a fascist dictatorship

a takeover of/from
what once called itself
the paradigm of democracy

and we the people
somehow
voted this power-monger in

[though, with wealth, it’s easy enough
to turn the tides of an election
with tactics on either side
of the line of
voter fraud]

but what do we do
when our numbers mean so little
against media takeovers and social distractions
and virtue signaling and in-fighting?

a revolution is at hand
but the powerful seem to have control
over literally everything

[we’ve been here before —
we, as a species —
perhaps the technology is new,
but i’m certain
i’m certain
the despair and feeling of powerlessness
has all happened
and will all happen
again
and again
and again and again and again
because humans hunger for power
almost as much as they hunger for community

it’s just
will we learn
from our past

or not?]

May 16, 2025

performing

anxiety
anticipation
excitement
fear

hope

acting

for better or worse
it was my first training
it was my most training
it is the time that i feel the most myself
on stage
even with the
anxiety
and fear
there is always still
anticipation
to excitement
to hope

[if you’ll be in nyc
tomorrow, may 17th,
come on out!]

May 15, 2025

perhaps you wake up one day
and the sky is purple instead of blue

still the same brightness — no sunrise or sunset vibes
making the change, though many things may adjust
from your point of view — like are you near a body of water?
look at it, it’ll reflect the sky, and you’ll realize
in that moment, that the ocean is not, in fact, blue,
or even any color on its own,
but a simple showing back of
the sky above it

but

no one else remarks on the suddenness of the purple in the sky
and when you see a game show with simple questions
or shadow your niece’s kindergarten class
the correct answer to “what color is the sky”
is “purple!” every time

so what now?

do you ask someone about it?
do you try to sleep it off?

do you check your own kindergarten worksheets
dug up and pulled down from your parents’ house’s attic?
there, in your own handwriting, is “purple”
and even poems you wrote ages ago
where you rhymed “blue” with “true” at the end of a stanza
put forth the same rhyme scheme, but with purple in the middle
“the sky’s purple hue/makes my heart beat true”
and it works
better than
“blue”

do you take this to your therapist
crossing your fingers behind your body
that it won’t be enough to get you committed
again?

how long has your reality strayed from everyone else’s?

is everyone else under an illusion now?
were you picking up nonreality for twenty-seven years?

why
why
why
is this happening?
to you?

you wait

and perhaps

you never get an answer…

May 14, 2025

interestingly
i am not a perfectly moral being

and i feel like the few times i’ve
strayed
from the morality i’d like
have influenced me the most
in keeping kindness and honesty
at the top of my
values tree

[now why can’t my perfectionism hear that
and substitute in “mistakes”
and feel like making them
would just make my talent and skills
even
greater???]

May 13, 2025

nine years
married

a married-a-versary

[in this world we’re living in]

but
queer joy is resistance
and showing resilience
and we can do it
while also
using our privilege to help others
in our
community

May 12, 2025

working through what works best
for my distractable brain/
my undiagnosed, but probably ADHD brain/
my MaybeHD brain

finding new discoveries and tricks and impacts and randomness all the time

and it’s slowly feeling like
less and less of a lie when i
introduce myself and my needs as simply
“undiagnosed ADHD”