my heart has palpitations
not real ones
but those that come from
worrying —
if this is all there is
if this is what i was meant to be doing
if there’s something more i should be trying
if adventure awaits elsewhere
if
if
if
pounds my heart
faster
and faster
and i can’t keep up
unless i
take a moment
and
cry
Month: February 2025
February 17, 2025
the winds rush against the house
which has stood for near one hundred years
and yet my heart leaps
into my throat
and i can’t breathe
or calm the ba-BUM ba-BUM ba-BUM
because what if
what if
what if
this time, the wind really does mean
the ominous
the apocalypse
the end?
February 16, 2025
my hair
is rainbow
it has been, on and off, since late 2016
and when it grows out, folks still compliment the colors
for being vibrant
and even
but i know what it’s like to have a
fresh dye moment
and that moment is today
and i feel
so much more like
me
February 15, 2025
the house plants shine a little greener
against the dreary outside sky
in the winter months
February 14, 2025
our dog has become
the neediest little puppy
in this, her third year
and perhaps it is simply because
she is not doctor-ordered to
not
follow us upstairs
and jump in beds
and leap on laps
or perhaps she has gotten used to us
and what we will allow
and what we
won’t
but my goodness
the amount of barks for playtime
and dances for attention
and literal time spent in my lap
[yes, this 45-pound dog
sits in my lap
while i sit
on a dining room chair]
has most definitely increased
within this past
year
February 13, 2025
hilarious
to me
that i recognized that one song
couldn’t place it
couldn’t place it
went to the internet
it almost didn’t help me
and then
like a light at the end of a
long, cold, dark tunnel
reddit user
simply stated
“Spooky Lake Tiktok”
and i am saved from
racking my brain about that
all damn day
[and i get to revel
in the spookiness]
February 12, 2025
we are all just trying
to get along
get along
get along
with ourselves
with our neighbors
with our coworkers and family and friends
get along by getting along
isn’t that how it
always is
February 11, 2025
i think
my belated new year’s resolution
is to find the place/space/state of mind
that allows me to write
more this year
February 10, 2025
how much more need i write
before my beloved bagels
arrive?
February 9, 2025
i keep feeling
almost
ready to write
like i
almost
have a concept i’m happy with
or i have
almost
found the optimal writing situation/
location/
time of day/
mood/
lighting/
sound/
something/
etc.
but
if imperfection is what i’m looking for
in the product
then perhaps
i should look for that, too
in the process