February 28, 2025

Full Economic Blackout.

[will it help?]

it will if We keep this up — end all excess spending
only buy what you need
and even then, try for small businesses —
search out companies you actually want to give your
hard-earned money to

it’s easier some places
and for some people
and much harder for others,
but even online, you can find
smaller companies
and alternates to the big guys —
see if a grocery store near you offers delivery,
for books, bookshop.org,
for audiobooks, libro.fm,
for gifts, try sellers on etsy
[bonus points if you find someone
and they have their own independent store]
use amazon as a search engine
and buy from elsewhere
[also, go ahead and fill up carts
just to abandon them, especially with things
you’d normally buy — huge purchases not bought
they chalk up to error/mistakes,
but smaller/normal-for-you sized carts
are counted
against
them]

so let’s do our best to fuck up the big guys
who are ruining the environment
and ruining employees’ lives
in the tiny ways We can
because enough small mosquitos can cause issues to giants

so let’s spend our money in places
We want our money spent,
and call/email/write/fax our representatives
when We can’t seem to crawl out from under this
humungous, oligarchical thumb

We
The Fucking
People

February 27, 2025

caught up in a book
in a way i haven’t been for a while
[at least not a physical book — we all know
how i feel about the locked tomb series in audiobook form]
but caught up in a way that
i can’t wait for my next subway ride
in a way that
i brought it upstairs before bed
and read
instead of dicking around on my phone
in a way that
i’m probably having nightmares about it
[it’s not that fun of a book,
but boy is it
engaging
like crazy]

February 26, 2025

counteract imposter syndrome
with delusions of grandeur

battle bouts of depression
with moments of absolute elation

fight against the tyranny of a fascist oligarchy
with anarchical acts of neighborly compassion

if your ‘natural state’ is one strong thing
make sure to balance it with
a little bit of its opposite
[if you can’t make yourself mellow,
at least average it out to
even-keel-ness]

February 24, 2025

quick morning pages this morning
perhaps even without posting
until the evening
because we got shit to do
this early morn’

[though i’d love to just be
sewing — apparently that’s my vibe
when the world gets to be
too big and too frightening

just do the physical
helpful labor
you know how to do]

February 23, 2025

make me an omelette
and i’ll bake you some chocolate chip cookies
and we can have some tea and coffee
provided by either of us
and talk about the world around us
and how it’s hard to let go of the idea
that one of us could be the one person
to bring peace
but we are not accidental billionaires
with good hearts
or the messiah come back
with the power of god
we’re just two human beings
who want to leave the world
a bit better than we found it
and the only way we can do that
is on a smaller scale
than originally anticipated

so let’s partake in this breakfast
and dessert
and the community we create
and leave our part of the world
and the people we meet and care for
much better than we found them

February 22, 2025

there are some things that seem like they’ll last forever
not just systems and parents
but paths to and from
places you go daily
weekly
yearly
and walls you wake up next to
and even the face staring back from the
mirror in front of you
but when they say the only things constant are change
they mean it
they mean it

February 20, 2025

bad mood
cranky
annoyed
annoying
short fuse
on the edge
negative
negativity
everything rubbing me the wrong way
and also feeling like i’m about to cry

why
after such a beautiful yesterday evening
of connecting and connection and theatre and community
did i pass through the night with stress dreams
and so little sleep
and immediately wake up into this
damn bad mood?

February 19, 2025

feeling like i’m riding a roller coaster
but i have to physically get myself
up
up
up
up
the chain of every hill
pulling
and grinding the gears
until gravity and physics finally take over
and i can let myself go
but then i’m going
and going
and going too fast
and where i once had
so much
too much
control
i’m now hands off
letting it take me
where it wants

and i didn’t even create this roller coaster
i don’t know what it has in store for me
i can only see a few moments in front of me
and for me
who saw
the whole hill i was pulling myself up
[granted, the hill looked
even larger
even longer — i never saw
the drop coming]
being unable to predict
when the next turn
or loop
or tunnel
will happen
as it just seems to pick up
more and more speed
faster
and faster
is a bit too much for me,
but i’ve been on this roller coaster for a while now
and i know
there’s probably another hill coming
i’ll have to pull myself
up
up
up
and
along…

[but what if there’s not
what if
what if
what if this part of the ride
just keeps going
faster
speedier
wilder
out of control
until it’s too fast
too much momentum
for the track
and i rocket off?

would i die?

or would i land somewhere off of this preconceived track
when i can have some control
over direction
and height
and maybe even
not
be on a roller coaster at all?]