interesting
interesting
i wrote but i didn’t post
yesterday
i wonder what that means
i wonder what that means
and the puppy just freaked out and boof-howled
but she hadn’t done that with Kip not around
i wonder what that means
and the cat has been perching on my lap
far more in the last couple of weeks
than since we lost Louka
i think i might know what that means
and additionally
i feel like
my writing has gotten
so
much
worse
lately
i wonder
what
that
means
it was so hard to fall asleep last night
that i laid in bed
pondering
on the difficulty
until i hadn’t realized i’d drifted off
into some sort of weird
dream/nightmare
reality
and was jarred awake
just to find out
truth
write until
it’s time to order
write until
the coffee is done
write until
this song is over
write until
you literally can’t anymore
[and then write a little bit more]
houseplants
waking up from a
supposed death
is so joyful
and hopeful
and also a little sad
because
what if i put you through this
all over again?
my brain is mush
it’s creatively exhausted
not by creativity
but by
life
when we first met
kip wasn’t sure
if they’d be able to be with me
long term
because i insited that i
didn’t like
dogs
but as they got to know me,
they saw how much i loved all animals
no matter what, so then they
started to share stories
of dogs being so good
and introducing me
to dogs here and there
and observing
and guiding
until the concept of us getting a dog
was raised, and i said “maybe”
that maybe, after volunteering with a shelter, became a “probably”
and then a “yes” with so many caveats
and then a “yes” with a couple of caveats
and by the time we helped Louka into our lives
those caveats were gone
and now i can’t even say whether i’m a dog or a cat person
in black and white terms
because i love all cats and all dogs
so so so so so so much
and i am so thankful to my kip
and my dogs
for teaching me just how wonderful
dogs are
write to the sounds of
indoor cats purring
outdoor dogs yipping
our dog boofing
even though she knows she oughtn’t
even though she’s trying so hard to not
but her little grumble/whine/barks
are so cute
it’s hard to scold her
especially because
i know
i can tell
she’s trying
she’s trying
she’s trying
the puppy’s barks are sharp
as she tries to get her ball out from under the radiator
and asks me to help her,
but the cat is on my lap
and i cannot give up this comfort and heat
on this chilly morning
after dropping my kip off at the airport
for a work trip, so we must endure
her plaintive wails
and scrambles to get the toy herself —
that is until i realize
she may need a similar comfort
as her kip is gone too
nevermind, she got the ball herself
she’s practically a grown a-dog now
i have quite a collection
of bird feathers i’ve found
only in our yard
only dropped for us
[maybe]
and i wish i could say thank you
to the jays who leave
these beautiful blues behind
to match my eyes
but i simply wash them
and dry them
and place them in the window sill
hoping they call my own
brazen glitter goth
loud corvid
personality
home
i’m lost in a dream
and the future as it seems
to spread out in front of
and behind me
and i still can’t get a good grasp
on the present, that’s the one thing
hidden away
lost
unfindable
irreplaceable —
the past keeps adding up
and the future is infinite
it is only the present as it is
that is only
one thing
kipventures 