i feel like i have
whatever’s opposite of taking things
for granted
like i hold things as too precious
so as to prepare myself for the day
they are gone
[neither of these approaches
really help with
living in the moment though]
Month: April 2024
April 9, 2024
hobbies
collected
collecting dust
as new ones catch our eye
and the least we can hope for
is including old supplies
in newest hobbies
as recent ones
fly by
April 8, 2024
the world turns
rotates
and expected bright and dark
bright and dark
bright and dark
interrupts
the brightness of the dark
blocking out the daytime
for a moment
for a few minutes
the birds quiet
the spouse pauses work
and we look through two pairs of sunglasses
as the family group chat in cleveland
explodes
with iphone photos
and pictures of dslr cameras
alike
showing totality
showing what i could have seen
if i’d traveled for the experience
[still not quite as cool as a few years ago
when i observed even less totality
while flying on my moon-shaped lyra
outside and sunglassed and free]
April 7, 2024
i feel sick
i feel overwhelmed
i feel sad and worried and down
i feel uncreative and bored
and like there’s so much i could do
if my brain wanted to
but it really really really doesn’t want to
do much more than
video games
and tv shows
and sewing sewing sewing
April 6, 2024
the slow increase of volume
the rumbling to shuddering
greater and greater until the only logical expectation is
a violent crash
or a collapse,
and then to just
rumble back down again
into quiet
into nothingness —
all that’s left is my heart still echoing the great shuddering
because i’m not used to it
i’m not familiar
i don’t know what to expect
i don’t know if my house will continue to stand after this
nor after the second
but we’re all still here, and we’re all still fine —
and the memes are just
sublime
[my very first/and very second
earthquake]
April 5, 2024
what a day
was yesterday —
a covid kip/
a power outage
lasting hours
[so no regular morning things]/
many calls and stresses/
and finally, the dreaded mri
[but not before getting poked and prodded
and hurt and pained
and bruised]
and, of course, a target run
for my sickkip
but now
now
today
this morning
at this moment
things
are back
to
[relative]
normal
April 4, 2024
there is something
~tragic~
about terrible gum
especially in one’s
favorite
flavor:
the excitement
for the bright blue
of ultra-sour
blueberry
the curly-q
of a whole big tape
of bubble gum
waiting in front of you
and to have the initial unfurl
of the roll
snap
and break
and shatter
only bodes ominous
for the rest of the experience
and then
for the flavor to be good
for maybe four seconds
just makes the loss of flavor
later
hurt one’s soul
a million times over
and if that weren’t enough
right when you think you should just
spit it out
be done with it,
a random flavor pocket will burst to life
and you want to chew more
to not waste any flavor,
but the chewing hurts your jaw
and the flavoring is overall
so underwhelming
this disappointment
is one of the worst
of my life
[not really, but man,
when you are *in the mood* for some
blueberry bubble gum
and this happens…
the soul aches
for brand-name hubba bubba
bubble tape]
April 3, 2024
casting the blank ballot
was frightening
and liberating
and a little guilt-i-fying
though i’d never do it for the actual presidential election
and i don’t know how much it’ll change anything
i did it
i did it
i did it
for the people
of Palestine
[now let’s go do
more]
April 2, 2024
in the middle of a very tough conversation
about the state of the world
and how terrible it is
and how sometimes we just want someone
[or something]
to blame,
and how that can easily take one into
conspiracy theory territory,
and what to do to actually
better
this terrible
world we’re living in —
we got on the subject of unions,
and how unionizing is one of two proven things
working within our system
that actually makes the peoples’ voice
louder
and have more power,
and i stop for a moment, and say “i love you.”
and kip asks why
[as they do]
and i respond “because you recommend that all workers under you
join or form
a union.”
my eyes still shining with love and adoration
at my manager of a spouse
[who can’t make or join a union, for conflict of interest reasons]
and they roll their eyes with love
and say
“that is the gayest
and most communist thing
you’ve ever said to me”
and i love them even more now.
April 1, 2024
i no longer *have* to be anywhere
on april fools day
if it lands on a week-day
and for this, i am grateful
my school-years were filled with
mondays/tuesdays/wed/thurs/fridays
of april 1
and constant
constant
anxiety
it’s not even like i had a prank-gone-wrong
or anything mean like that
happen to me
directly
but i grew up in the age of
disney channel originals
and nickelodeon tv shows
and candid camera
and that one ashton kutcher reality thing
and just by virtue of being aware
of terrible
horrible
pranks
gave me a perpetual panic edge
every april first
[yes, just living in a society
with no personal experience
can change one’s
perception
of everything]
[there’s an implication here for something more,
societally,
but i’d rather spend this foolish day
chilling
and gathering
calmness around me]
kipventures 