a first leap day
of this poetry project
and i’m still stuck in my head
in processing a dream i had
about churches on roller coaster tracks
and fast fast carousel spins of UU congregations
for the purpose of awareness
for the purpose of social change
for saying Nex Benedict’s name
and never again
never again
never again
Month: February 2024
February 28, 2024
it’s dark out
this morning;
the rain and winds and storm and car alarm of the evening
mostly subsided,
but still threatening to continue on
into
the rest of the day
today
February 27, 2024
let my imagination play
and take me away
to somewhere in my own brain
but maybe not
~there~
[that’s not a very happy place…]
February 26, 2024
two new [to us] sweaters
Coogi
[or at least inspired]
rainbow-y
one for kip and one for me
wearing today —
matching
ruffled and cozy and loud and warm
maybe today will be a good day
February 25, 2024
i’m unaware of what is happening in my mind
i feel like i’m always looking, but never find
what i expect to find
the kind of content, the product, the thing to capitalize upon
the hustle culture
maybe i’m
just meant to be
chill and writing and soft and free
[aren’t we all
meant to be
free?]
February 24, 2024
sometimes
i
forget that i
am human
and i push and i roll and i run and i expect
to go and go and go
and i get so
confused when i’m tired
or exhausted
or just feel off
and even more strange is when i
take care of basic human needs
and feel
a little bit
better
like
how am i, an inhuman cryptid
a god
an entity expected
to have zero needs
feel less cranky
when i get some food in me
or have a sip of coffee
or actually get eight hours of sleep
how dare my body
betray me by being
[the normal amount of] needy
February 23, 2024
do you ever have a day
when all you do
of the things you know you can do
well
simply abandon you
for the state of mediocre
to
bad?
i am having that kind of a day
hence why this poem
is more explanation
than true art form.
but it’s out here. it’s out here.
February 22, 2024
half of my self
wants to run around
and have adventures
and meet only new people
and hear stories
and create more
and never ever ever stop
moving
and the other half of me is so comfortable
having a night in
television blaring
but not staring into a screen
instead cuddling up with my kip
or embroidering
or organizing bookshelves
or cleaning
just the menialest of menial tasks
feeling
so satisfied
but whenever i do one
i feel fulfilled for a bit
until i hear the other option
calling to me
and the only place i find i can fully balance out
is in sleep
when my physical self is at rest
and my imagination is bursting
[i really need to write more than poetry sometime]
February 21, 2024
is it true?
that hearts synchronize in beat beat beating rhythms
when sitting in an audience
of a performance
i agree —
i want so badly to believe —
and it probably comes from some sort of truth
[there’s that study of church vs live musical performance
and how they give the same
spiritually
significant
feeling]
and i know my heart’s emotions
synchronized with those around me:
gripping our chests
because we couldn’t reach deep
and hold our own hearts,
murmurs of agreement
of sorrow
of unthinkable pain and loss and struggles to keep humanity,
and humming catchy tunes as they remained stuck after the applause had ended,
and feeling as though the whole space —
performers
audience members
volunteers
everyone —
had hugged me and held me
as i
as we
listened to damn near unbearable story after unbearable story after unbearable story…
but we bore it,
and we were witnesses to it,
all
for the synchronization
of our
beating
hearts
February 20, 2024
it’s been a week
a week of anxiety and depression
a week of stress and relaxation
a week of guilt
a week of d&d and coffee
a week of overthinking and underfeeling
a week of underpreparing
in the hopes that
today
is much chiller
than last week
could have been
[i hope i did ok/
i hope i do good]
[performance this evening, 6:15pm eastern: http://tonyc.nyc/streampfp ]
kipventures 