stuck behind a computer keyboard
when i simply wish i could hook up some sort of cord
to my brain and let it leak poetry
more real/raw/strange/
honesty
might not consistently be
but it’s consistently
me
Month: June 2023
June 19, 2023
Juneteenth
another day presented
as a celebration
for the rest/
of all of us/
to be free
but was that really what it was meant to be?
it was rebellious states’
slaves
sent on their merry way
(still sans any mule
much less forty whole acres
of stolen land)
but what about border states/
other divided propriety/
when did they
let go
of their ‘human property’
the amendment
that’s the one
that’s the final
say it and done
nope
you know better
you know slavery just got a different name
they called it “policing”
they call it “prison labor”
it’s there in black and white
in the language of the amendment itself
no abolition of slavery
could be 100% savory
in this united states of indecency
and stolen everything/everybody/every body
so let’s observe Juneteenth
not as a day of everyone’s celebration
(no matter what that one banner in that once city implies)
but as our day of learning
repairing
and not
not
not
repeating
the mistakes
of our
[not so far back]
past
ancestors.
June 18, 2023
my fingers want to be busy
without input from my brain
for my mind has been doing too much time
in repetitious actions
circling points
but never quite making it to center
and my hands could do the same
but forward action
seems to actually be measurable
in physical space
and the mind is an ugly place
to obsess
about others’
imperfections
June 17, 2023
the sin of being me
is punishable
through inside and outside means
and my brain can only get so far
in forgiveness
when it’s constantly fighting against itself
and my body seems to cling to living
as it falls apart
and resolves towards innumerable lifetimes
and my soul only ever seems to
chill inside/beside
all this angst going on around and around and around
but the dark part of me
[brain?]
[heart?]
[body?]
[other?]
it keeps reminding me
that i am punishable
i should be punished
through some means
hold my beer
i’ll do it
myself
[‘if you want something done right,’
right?]
June 16, 2023
do you ever feel like
you just want to slough off your old skin
your old life
your old entire being
and start anew
in a new body
with a new brain
in a new situation
perhaps a whole new universe/
dimension/
something/
anything
i just feel
antsy
in this life
sometimes
(maybe that’s why
i am drawn towards
acting
reading
writing
the things we do
to imagine whole other lives
anew)
June 15, 2023
it’s already
the middle of the month
how does
time
go by this
much
June 14, 2023
hide in my hoodie
disappear into decades-long fiction
find a new hobby
a fresh kind of hyper-focus
and learn all of that
instead of knowing anything else
(the rest of the world is overwhelming anyway
might as well find ways
to enjoy time
here)
June 13, 2023
i don’t think
who you are when you’re stressed
is your “real true self”
nor do i believe
that it is somehow
not you at all—
i simply believe
that stressed-out-you
is another form of you,
and each individual person
has so many selves/
contains multitudes/
switches codes/personalities/dependent on the people
and situation
and personal pressures
(external and internal)
and to think that we should be
one consistent type of personality
through every sort of situational anomaly
is not giving humanity
any sort of grace
or depth
June 12, 2023
the utter delight
in my voice, eyes, and mind
as i call to an empty room
“a ghost!!!”
after the bag of dog food goes unexpectedly
splat
to the ground
(although i know
gravity had some hold
on its fall)
June 11, 2023
i don’t know if i was born
with the patience gene fully turned on
or not,
but it has developed into something
i value greatly
in myself
however
because i don’t think of it as
a core marker/
a makeup of hj/
something that’s been with me
since that first day,
i often approach it as a skill —
something that needs practice/
cultivation/
that i can’t just rely upon —
and it often surprises me
when others thank me for my patience
when i’ve been feeling
so
at the end of my rope
i wish i could conceive of a me
who was always always always
patient without strain