got myself
a bum ankle
but i’m not able
to actually rest enough
to better myself
in terms of healing
and caring
into full health
~~~
is anyone
actually good
at their own
rest???
~~~
the weather says it’ll be
hot hot hot
later today
but at this moment
with stillness and icing ankle
and inside and overnight lows
i’m closer to chilly than overheated
and much closer to shivering
than sweating
so how does the weather change fast enough
to fit all it fits
in one day?
the little skip/hop/beats of a heart
not hidden inside but shared with the spouse
new friends, exciting connections,
so stoked to spend time with each other again
a sacred queer friendship appears
to warm up with the poetry
as i [try to do] every morning
or to stare blankly at a phone
scrolling and scrolling and scrolling
until half the day has gone by?
i believe this choice speaks for itself
(on the days when my executive functioning allows)
to warm up with the poetry
as it flows and flows and flows
or to work a bit
get things quickly done
feeling even more productive before 9am
than i usually feel by 10pm
this choice is a little harder
but i do have habit backing up a decision for the former
to warm up with the poetry
that speaks of itself in loose verse–
meta-poeting all over the computer screen
as i contemplate any other option here
in this early may morning
i see this choice has been made for me
the puppy groans with her yawns
and sighs before her head lays down
and i am delighted
and i just figured out why—-
the noises are far more human than dog
and they make me feel like, maybe,
just maybe,
she’ll learn how to talk next
when
did i become a human
who
enjoys the organization of things
but still prefers
the music
of carefully crafted chaos?
[have i always been like this,
i just didn’t have the awareness
of specific neurons firing
to step back
and see my views in this
way?]
loud music
to distract
the parts of my head
that aren’t paying attention
and instead
wander off
alone
and lonely
to places no one else can follow
not even
myself
i wish i was better
at being a full friend
instead of a ‘when i see you’
kind of ami
i’m certainly not a
‘fair weather friend’
because i’ll stick by you
in storms and sun alike,
but if i don’t get your face in my mind
and have reason to reach out
i’ll get stuck in my head about
whether or not
me contacting you would be
an inconvenience
or remind you how long it’s been since
we last connected
and so i avoid it
at all costs
and live in my own little world of
feeling like no time has passed
like we could immediately pick up a friendship
fresh from where we left off
(just have more fodder for conversation catch-up)
but i know people change
and i don’t know how to rearrange my brain
to comprehend this fact
that everyone else seems to get
accept
move
on
but there was reason we were friends back then
i don’t see why we wouldn’t still now
beautifully get along
i try to create art with words
but sometimes i need to create art
with art
and my abilities there
do not size up
and i frustrate-quit
over
and over
and over again
but what if
i
kept going?
when my body lacks
one essential need
it tries so hard to compensate with others
the problem there comes in
when it affects my ability
to try to attain back that initial lack
so perhaps,
body,
you could let me actually sleep
those few more hours that i need,
instead of waking me up with hunger pangs
to try to feed my tired exhaustion
with digestible sustenance
just a thought.
how come
the relief
became exhaustion
and not
lack thereof?
kipventures 