Month: April 2023

April 20, 2023

/ HJ / Leave a comment

planning and preparing
are nothing when it comes to
insurance
human fallibility
and the twists of the fates

~~~

i use squiggles
[tildes]
to break the momentum
from one poem
to the next

but only in a batch of three
because formatting in devices these days
is far too variable
for a whole line

so i rely on my
three
little
squiggles
to [hopefully] signify
to both reader and writer
that this poem is over–
re-ready yourself
for a whole new
poem
beginning.

~~~

lost in the depths of a book
so visceral
so immersive
so taking-me-along-for-the-ride
i can’t decide
if this one is more stressful than the first
but all of these ninths
give me some sort of curse
of caring
and staring
long distances as i listen to them
audiobooks carrying me through the star-system
the big house
the river
and i just want to know
what happens next
what happens next
what happens next???

April 19, 2023

/ HJ / Leave a comment

my stomach grumbles
because i haven’t yet had my morning bagel
and it’s already nearing 8:30
and i can’t help but fantasize
about how the everything seasoning will feel in my mouth/
taste on my tongue/
how the cream cheese will add that special something–
and my stomach complains louder
as i contemplate my breakfast
instead of simply starting it/
making it to be eaten//
this poem is torture to my digestive tract
and i need to apologize
but first i must somehow poetize
the fact that i never get sick of bagels
because they are
so
damn
good.

April 18, 2023

/ HJ / Leave a comment

i have a little notebook
where i diligently write down
everything i’ve done
daily
so as to not feel like a complete tool
and imposter
and fool
for ‘not doing anything
productive
every day’

it helps with some things—-
i can track when i tend to
get stuck on my phone
doom scrolling
and doom scrolling
and doom scrolling
ad nauseam,
and i can track what days
i seem to feel more pumped
to do things
that i should be
doing,
or the perfect storm
of creative inspiration
and bodily motivation—-
and if there’s a discrepancy
between kip’s and my memory
i can usually pull it up to see
which of us is remembering falsely

but
i’ve found
it’s hard to put aside the time
to write in the notebook
with each passing event/
activity/
noticing,
and i have to gather a formal moment in my day
(or two)
to catch up in my
little notebook of everything
and therefore
(since it takes so long)
i end up writing in a passage
a moment
a marker
of when i took time out of my day
to write down all the things i did that day
and that feels a little…silly to me

thoughts?

April 16, 2023

/ HJ / Leave a comment

why
do i only feel ‘good’ at something
when i’m in enough to know
the difference between
solid and not
and i’m early enough to not put undue pressure
on myself—-
but the minute i might add the label ‘professional’
i lose all self-perspective/
expect myself to be
miles better
than where i started

but i’m only me
i can only act where i’ve been
i can only write of what i know
and only let the words flow as they go
and i can’t force anything in emotional expression

so please
(i beg of myself)
let me be
and let me be me
and don’t expect perfection
because it isn’t a real thing
(and it never has been,
but that’s a lesson
for another
poem)

April 15, 2023

/ HJ / Leave a comment

trying
to be writing
with music playing
(words wording up the place)
(but such good words
you know?)

my focus is split
(even more than usual)
and i can’t reread what i’ve already written
to see if it flows
spits
fits and starts
start me towards a real poem
one of these days
two of these days
three four, that’s all i need
to concentrate on one solid slam
of a poem written down
picked up
spat out
at an open mic
or recorded for those who truly see me
every week
(i miss that)
(i feel weak for missing that)
(but there’s no need to self-judge—
you’ve done that far more than enough)

and the most interesting part
of writing
with words
flowing behind my mind
is that i find myself rhyming with the phrasing i’m hearing
rather than the phrases i’m writing
and i don’t know if any of this
will make any sense
but i’m kinda digging
this
split-focus
un-re-read
rhyming with words you won’t hear
if you’re just reading this poem here
kinda vibe

April 14, 2023

/ HJ / Leave a comment

what
does it all mean
why
does it all happen
and when
will it all come to blows

~~~

a little existential
but also
maybe necessary
(but also also
maybe not?)

~~~

waiting on bagels
almost here
so excited
we haven’t had them
in so so so damn long
(four
whole
days)

they’ve arrived!

April 13, 2023

/ HJ / Leave a comment

the problem with poetry
being a daily task
is that sometimes it becomes
less of an emotional release
and a little more of a chore

but that isn’t to say i’m not getting
so much out of this
daily poetry challenge
this three years [starting today] of
at least one new poem every single
day

it is to say
that i sometimes don’t know how to turn off
the poetry brain
when i need to do my every-day unpoetical tasks,
and i sometimes don’t know how to turn off
the analytical brain
when i’m writing these
tiny pieces
of art

April 11, 2023

/ HJ / Leave a comment

the puppy wants so desperately
to play with the cat
that she’s taken the hisses and bats
and invitations
and copied those acts

so now
the cat defends
and the dog reacts with enthusiasm
that the cat is not anticipating
and defends harder
which the dog takes to mean
playing harder
until she gets so excited
she spins
and zoomies
herself
away