is it forgetting
is it mis-habitude
am i teetering on the edge
or am i making more
out of this
little blip
than i
ought
to
?
Month: September 2022
September 19, 2022
sleeping better
with only one dog
but damn do i miss
all those cuddles
~~~
let’s
get back
into the habit
we’ve established
all these days
k?
~~~
is it nerves
is it too much food
(is it too little?)
(or is there something
actually wrong
wth me?)
the questions
of a saga
of a never-ending
stomach ache
September 18, 2022
how am i
so good at hinting
in poetry–
‘whining the whole night’
an indication
of no rest/
stressful sleep/
loud noises/
what exhaustion comes
the morning after/
etc.
but i can’t just show
and not tell/
indicate
and not explain/
let the reader
figure it out
in fiction
why???
September 17, 2022
two puppies
whining for each other
all night
one sounding like
an actual canine
the other
a whole flock
of avian nestlings
September 16, 2022
writing poetry
while puppies play
is a split attention
activity
September 15, 2022
head empty/
too many thoughts
heart empty/
too much love
body empty
well, that’s a problem.
September 14, 2022
when i show friends
these words
there is an unspoken trust
and an irrational fear
the trust is to read
the fear is that they
have read
but the fear is also
of breaking of trust
that i am still somehow
too much
and not enough
too many poems
not enough time
in our society
that has no reason or rhyme
for when you’re allowed to just sit
and ponder poetry
and when you have to be hustling
because with self-care culture
relaxation has become another side hustle
and being in the moment
is simply a competition
to see who does it
‘right’
but i digress
and am getting ahead of myself
(or really, beside,
because i’m not sure where this poem
was trying to align itself
to begin with)
whenever i show
a friend
a loved one
this here poetry blog
i am both terrified
that they’ll read it
and terrified
that they won’t
maybe i should publish
the first year
just so new folks
have context
for the rest of this
craziness
September 13, 2022
the upset-est belly
the cutest puppy
i’m hitting the existential crises
of why bother with poetry
(how was i so invigorated
just yesterday?)
~~~
the depression
hits
out of the blue
where yesterday
was a pretty good day
and i felt neutral
(if not actually happy maybe)
today, every little inconvenience
is a sign from the universe
telling me to give up/
every moment of waking
is one where i’m wishing i’m sleeping/
and the feeling i can label appearing on my face
can only be described as “dourness”
how am i so susceptible to little fits of depression
all while distancing/dissociating myself so well
from all my [other] emotions?
~~~
explore
the emotion
of depression
[i don’t want to—
it’s not a clean feeling—
it’s messy and
it gets everywhere,
sticky in places you didn’t even see it spill to,
but when you aren’t looking
aren’t expecting it
there it is again
and you can’t even reach that place
to fully get it
out]
September 12, 2022
oreos for breakfast
maybe not the healthiest choice
but at least my mouth
is happy
September 11, 2022
when trees
sway
[unnaturally] up and
down
my mind still speeds straight
to costa rica
and expects little back-and-white monkeys
to be playing
chattering
jumping
from tree to tree
even up here in the bronx
my first thought is never
the black and grey squirrels we have everywhere
my hope
is first
that we’ve somehow found ourselves
back
in paradise…
kipventures 