August 21, 2022

words melt in my mind
from time to time
thinking them in dusk
in witching hour wants
and needing to write them out
but feeling like that would
break the spell
to spell out too much
to identify in analytic hours
so they simply
melt
become part of me
where they always were
to begin with
it seems

and maybe that’s the lesson
that’s to be earned and learned:
the words neither exist outside of me
nor are fully lost internally
they’re always there with me
as is my power
my connection
my rhythm and rhyme scheme and
spirituality
it just takes a little bit longer for myself
to see.

for where are these words and patterns
and rhymes and smatterings
of slammings be coming from
if not
inside?

August 20, 2022

spirituality is getting
a doctorate
in yourself

but it’s emotional
it’s trust
it’s gut feelings and it’s hard choices
it’s things you can’t study and memorize and analyze
it’s just you and faith
faith in self
faith in humanity
faith in the earth/universe/the bigger whatever

and how can i write
poem after poem after poem
(the emotional writing craft)
but not have gotten any closer
to the self
i keep
in my
gut
?

August 19, 2022

one of the puppy’s
favorite playthings
is a squeaker stolen
from another dog toy

the red plastic disc
bounces and baubles
in such an entertaining manner
the puppy can’t help but be
engaged

add to that the squeak for its original purpose
(a squeak she never really squeaked
when it was part of a pre-made set)
and the size perfect for her to fit
in her little puppy mouth;
this seems to be the perfect toy

she entertains herself for longer
than with any other toy
(ice cubes come close)
but its tiny size makes it the perfect prize
for the under-the-couch vortex

so she still sends up needing us
not to play with
but to rescue
this toy
as she gets it stuck
under couches,
under shelves,
behind radiators,
and between couch cushions,
and all in all, it’s a pretty good toy
for a needy puppy

(i’m just worried about the day
her mouth and throat grow
and the squeaker becomes
more choking hazard
than entertainment,
but who knows—
maybe this is the size this puppy will be
forever!)

August 18, 2022

they say the cello is the instrument
most like the human voice
but
whenever i listen to violins
play long, extended phrases
i always catch myself
holding my breath
as if i could sing the line
too

~~~

how is our puppy
so damn cute
and precious
and calm
when she’s sleepy
and so adorably hassle-y
and damn destructive
when she’s hyper-awake?

~~~

short poems
small amounts
because today
my belly says
‘no’

August 17, 2022

chill morning
chill music
moving info
both satisfying
and
frustrating
at the same time
[when/will it ever end?]

~~~

but my butt
hurts
when i sit in chairs
like a normal human
/
when i try to sit in chairs
like a normal human
and my body instinctively inclines itself
further and further leftwards
until my [right] butt hurts more
than it initially did
so i should just start
sitting
like the queer that i am
to avoid
further
injury

~~~

writing
in fits
and starts
(or starts
and starts
and i wonder where the fits
fit in with
this chill morning
of mine)

August 16, 2022

i should have known
that the answer wasn’t
‘both’
when asked if i liked to work more with
details
or
big picture
things,
simply based on my reaction to being presented with
either.
when asked to look at minute details
i feel like i’m being laid into a giant warm bed
that fits me perfectly
that itself cuddles back.
and when being presented with
the big picture
i’m overwhelmed to the point of
panic attack

~~~

this
computer
is on its last legs
(or its last keys)
the multiplying of vowels
has at least tripled
(except for the rare occasion
when a letter simply
doesn’t)
but now the delete button
and space bar
are on the fritz
and a few consonants
are also acting awry
and i
think should just bite the bullet
and let Kip transfer my things
over to the new [to me] laptop
but this machine is where i wrote a novel,
and this is where my Morning Poems started,
and i took all my zoom classes
here,
and it feels like
an end to an era
when it’s simply
upgrading to the next model
and i
need to stop worrying
about losing all my things–
Kip knows how to transfer
and i’ve saved in at least two different places
and i should trust technology
some day
(maybe today?)

~~~

my body
and brain
just want to go back to
adjusting every little date
on my transfer
from goodreads to storygraph
because tiny details
and mindless tasks
feed my soul
like pudding;
filling it with empty calories
that i know should go
after a full meal
(of poetry-writing, perhaps?)
but i secretly just want
to eat sweets
and do teensy tasks
whenever i feel
any kind of
hunger

August 15, 2022

interesting choice
in Morning Poetry tactics:
the internet-perusal,
the procrastination by other necessary tasks,
the avoidance—
but also the placement/
routine/
you can’t get out of this one
just by watching your animals
interact,
or taking multiple breaks
inside this very poem
to drink half your coffee
and listen to the music,
the poetry will come
whether or not you want it
(but you want it—
otherwise
why
would you have made this challenge
and just kept on
challenging
yourself
month by month
week by week
day by
day
?)

August 14, 2022

i did it
i performed my own poetry
i read it out loud
for people
and the people
felt
emotions

is this another aspect
of poetry as the opposing side
to prose’s analytic/logic basis?
is poetry’s purpose both
to come from a place of true emotionality
but also
to affect the reader/listener
empathetically?

and how do i come at this craft
from such a brainy/overthinking origin
just to affect those i’m reading to
so profoundly in the feels?

August 13, 2022

to write
or not to write
on this day
of performing
my own poetry
live
for the very first time

that sure is the question

~~~

can coffee
really do for my creativity
what it already does for my
comfort
and
awake-ness
and routine-building?

~~~

Oven Puppy
appears in reflections
all over our walk
and the puppy
(our puppy, Computer the Puppy)
wants to know:
is Oven Puppy nice?
how did Oven Puppy even get into our oven?
why does Oven Puppy always mimic Computer’s movements/
barks/
danger tail-poof?
how did Oven Puppy get inside the college windows at night?
and will Oven Puppy ever come out to play?

——————————————————————

The show is today, virtual, 2pm Eastern, and free
for tickets: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/321018253237

August 12, 2022

the ebb
and flow
of the piano
immerses itself
into my imagination
and i tilt with it
ship-like
atop the water
of the melody
and my whole being
is there too
heart and soul and corporal form
body mind and spirit
head to heart to body
everything

(classical is classic for a reason)