one thing i had forgotten
until i started staring at pictures
from the first few months with Louka
was a word i experienced for the first time
when helping guide her out of her scared dog shell:
Rewarding.

i remember telling folks:
“i never knew what this word meant,
until i spent six months coaxing the first tail wag
out of her”
“i don’t use this term lightly,
but rescuing
and helping a dog grow..
there’s no other word for it.”
“i always thought this was a dumb concept,
but i understand now
when i look at her
loving eyes”

the heart-full feeling
that i was feeling
when saying
“it’s so rewarding”
catches in my throat
and stutters with tears,
both grateful and grieving,
now that she’s gone…

helping Louka was rewarding,
but Louka herself
was such an amazing reward;
i know i’ll never forget that.