Month: March 2022

March 11, 2022

/ HJ / Leave a comment

today
is day
333
of my streak
and three is my favorite [base] number
of which i base all my other favorite numbers off
whether they include a three
[as in 13, my ‘official’ favorite number]
or are divisible by it
[as in 9 and 27, which i also especially love
because
their division includes other threes]
i adore any and all ‘threed’ numbers,
and 333 is three threes-
how energizing
how beautiful
how apt…

(…so why can’t i use that energy
to bolster my creativity
or make me feel
like i’m not
miserable
this morning?)

March 10, 2022

/ HJ / Leave a comment

emotions
swirling
around
scattered and unfounded
(at least half of them)

~~~

do i want to
do work
then
be creative,
or can i
somehow
find the creativity
inside the work?

~~~

all the possibilities
and none of the
decision-making confidence.

~~~

all?
or none?
or some?
now?
or later?
or combine?
or alone?
or is it even worth it?

~~~

i wish i remembered what it was like
to find my path of thought
through
the poetry at my fingertips
instead of
halting
phrases
catching
words
tiny poems
barely scratching the surface
of all that’s underneath
this rainbow hair…

~~~

if i trace the keyboard
gently
will it make the words come easier?
will the emotions be quantifiable
and able to be categorized
and boxed up
and shipped out
to future me
to deal with
in a different [head]space?

March 9, 2022

/ HJ / Leave a comment

if i’ve ever said
‘i love you’
i still do.

if i’ve ever told you
we should meet up for coffee
and chat the day away,
i’ve actually meant it.

if you’ve ever meant a great deal to me
you still do.

time is a mortal construction
and isn’t linear.

i don’t have
‘friendship degradation mechanics’
and if we’ve had a falling out
i’ve told you so.

if we’ve simply drifted
apart
from one another
(over time or space or experiences)
just know
i think of you often
and if you were to reach out
to me
for that coffee/chat/catchup
i’d be on top of that opportunity
in an instant

but

i don’t know how other people work,
so i don’t say ‘hey’ out of the blue
when i really mean
‘you’ve been on my mind
my whole life
and i still think of you
as you were
at 11 or 16 or 22,
but i know people grow
and i’d love to see
how you’ve grown
because you are important to me
and i love hearing you tell stories,
and debating opinions on tv shows,
and getting to see inside your soul’
because that’s
~~too much~~
for some people
(and i don’t know if that’s the direction you’ve grown
so
i play it safe

and i say

nothing.)

March 8, 2022

/ HJ / Leave a comment

falling asleep just
thinking
about the words i’m about to write
and the things necessary to be done today
and the accomplishments i need to do before this week ends

there’s a van down the street
just a few doors down
rumbling
and popping
and waking itself up for the day

if this van with
[clearly]
many things in need of fine tuning inside it
can take its time
getting itself ready
for its tasks for the day
then i certainly can wake myself up
through poetry
[and coffee]

~~~

but
i’m not awake
yet

~~~

the fake fireplace glows
and blows
forced heated air
at us
while the tiny humidifier
blows vapored water
up
into the air
into the plant beside it
reflecting in the mirror behind it
and we drink our coffee
as the dog tries so hard to lick her legs
on the couch
(that has become 100% hers)
and the cat is…

…somewhere

(a standard morning at the kips’)

March 7, 2022

/ HJ / Leave a comment

it feels
like spring
today

wild flowers
blossoming into
purple patches
on our lawn

it feels
like spring
today

no coat
necessary
for dog-
walking

it feels
like spring
today

yesterday’s rain
melds in
my nose
with other
nyc smells
to create
something
new

it feels
like spring
today

the spouse
planning a
garden
on each
terrace
in the
back

it feels
like spring
today

we all
sat/stood
in the
sunlight
absorbing it
knowing

that although

it feels
like spring
today

tomorrow
could be
a whole
different
story.

March 6, 2022

/ HJ / Leave a comment

the last
few weeks
we’ve gotten so little sleep
at night,

what with parties happening
two doors down,
or our dog
trying to lick away her own skin,
or the cat
being…a cat;

sleep has been
interrupted
at best
and non-existent
at worst

but last night
we may have slept through the night?
(or at least, had 3 or less wake-ups,
instead of our usual
10+)
and i feel
p rested
and my body
(and brain)
have no idea
how
to feel
[emotionally]
about that.

~~~

i wonder if i’ll ever feel
like
my poetry has a direction
a perspective
a purpose
a reason to keep writing and writing
other than my own
obsession
with
what the hell this life/world/brain is

but for now
i’ll just keep
writing
and writing
and writing and writing and writing
my damn-near gibberish-ness
and hope it sparks
*something*
in someone
in time.

~~

question
everything
answer
nothing
preserve
some things
and continue
on

March 5, 2022

/ HJ / Leave a comment

nothing remembered
about today
nothing great
that got away

just chores
and a good day
with the spouse
no stress
no[t too much] doubt

taking it easy
chilling
getting house-things done
and monkey bread
yeah
we did do that!

no idea
where this rhyme scheme came from
[nor where it’s going]
but i guess
that’s all i got?
yep,
that’s that.

March 2, 2022

/ HJ / Leave a comment

even the poem
i wrote
about having trouble
writing poems
this morning
feels so cheap
and distant
and alien
to what is actually happening in my brain
at the moment
so i guess
i’ll write
this tiny diatribe
about
‘blah’ness
and ‘meh’ness
and the ‘blargh’ that i’ve been
chanting in my head
all morning
and see
where this
all takes me…