if you’ve ever held a purring cat
on your lap
without your arms,
simply the cat’s choice
to stay,
to head-butt into your outstretched arm
(which is diligently writing poetry
running
full-force
into the second week of this)
then you know what pure joy feels like;
the purrs calming your anxiety riddled body
the head-butt feeling like
you are the purveyor of all that is good
in this world,
you are the protector
of this cat
(even though, most likely, it is she who is the protector of you.)
Month: April 2021
April 19, 2021
the sleep
of the deep dive
into the ocean of dreams
(is maybe too much of a metaphor for this morning)
because
i am used to treading water
half submerged
half awake
half aware
ready for the rescue of the alarm
to pull me out
but last night
even when i felt myself
in perfect treading form,
that might have been
deep
deep
down
because the alarms didn’t carry me
away
April 18, 2021
wondering
wandering
train stations
(NUMTOTs)
music
in my ears
(but not on)
(or maybe on, but not in)
or would i rather
sit
and
ponder
research
and
file
write
and
write
but right now i must
answer emails
and answer texts
and write a little bit at a time
April 17, 2021
if i do continue to
poetry
every day
will my poems become
(like my morning pages)
about the act of writing them
(and the frustration when they don’t flow)
…or
could i maybe break through that struggle
and find my voice on the other side
of the struggle and search
for words and subjects
and feel confident in my
abilities
as a
writer.
April 16, 2021
sometimes
you just need
some saxophones screaming at you
[from your tiny laptop speakers]
with crazy drumbeats
drumming
cymbal beats
into your soul
as a way to wake you up in the morning
and sometimes
you just need
to take a little break from
morning pages poetry
to talk with your spouse
and make them blush
at how much love
you have
for them
and sometimes
you just need
coffee.
April 15, 2021
my spouse is kip.
the word kip is also a very fun word to say.
we chirp “kip” at each other in public as a way to find each other
(sometimes the sound gets into a sonar-like frequency as we find ourselves closer and closer)
it has become a type of nickname/pet-name for both of us.
and when a birthday comes around
(either one of ours)
it has been dubbed “kip day.”
and the entire week around kip day
has become “kip day week”
and we present each other with presents
(because it doesn’t matter whose birthday it ‘really’ is; it’s kip day and we are both kips.)
and we enjoy the gifts,
as much in giving as in receiving,
and oftentimes we’ll get each other way too many kip day gifts
and the giving will continue
long after the 8 original days of kip day week.
(in fact, i believe this kip day week will extend at least three days past what we originally planned)
(and that’s called a love language)
April 14, 2021
if i’m going to be completely honest with myself
(and yes, that’s a worthy, but lofty goal,)
i’d say i’m frightened of what’s in my head.
and yet, i’m so curious.
and if i’m going to be completely honest with myself,
the second day is when the goal succeeds or fails
(or maybe it’s the third day
or the fourth
or the fifth
or…)
what i’m trying to say is that i
had such a good idea of what to poem about
yesterday
but today the well feels dry
[did i use it all up yesterday?
did i use it all up in the whole concept of this plan?
should i even be writing these poems with the word
“i”?]
the concept is a whole collections of contemplations
one for each day of each week of each month of this one
year.
perhaps it’ll help me write better
perhaps it’ll show me fortitude and consistency
perhaps i’ll give up after a while
(but i’ll still learn some important lessons along the way)
but what i want to know is:
when will i get to the good stuff,
the tough internal workings,
the contemplations on life and death and the liminal space in-between,
the inter-personal inner-workings of being,
instead of just writing about my plan to write?
April 13, 2021
the beginning of any project
is[can be]overwhelming.
if you have an idea for how the whole is supposed to look
and yet your mind focuses in on the tiniest of details
it can seem
damn near
overwhelming
but perhaps those AA folk are right
and day by day
(or bit by bit)
is truly the most mindful way to approach everything/life.
so is today the first day
of an ‘every day poem’ adventure?
will it last a whole year,
my mind becoming sharper
my words more focused
with each passing day?
or is that the over-thinking doing the talking
the one that sees the minor details as they make up the whole
the brain that gets overwhelmed because of all the ‘what ifs’
and
‘could bes’
and
‘why nots’?
and really, what i could be should be thinking is
i am writing a poem
today
and intend to write another
tomorrow.
and that is all that needs to be said
(or thought)
April 11, 2021
would i actually want to make a
poem a day
(it seems like a crazy concept,
an exhausting one at that,)
but one that perhaps i could achieve.
i did it while traveling
why not when i have great multitudes of time?
when i’m already writing every single morning?
(the question now is when to start?
do i need a specific start day?
do i want it to hold some meaningful meaning within it?
or can it just be like any other day?)
April 9, 2021
so far, not feeling anything
[re: the ill effects of the vaccination,
except for a small soreness in my upper left shoulder meat]
so the things i vowed to do yesterday
in order to prevent them from adding to my plate today
i can actually get done today.
and yet, adding to the pile of things
that i want to do
but have yet to get done,
still
this is a pretty nice feeling:
the concept of being awake
and ready to take on a day
and do the things that need to be done
instead of avoiding them
or fearing them.
[and i know this may not last.
there are many traps i could still fall in to
and so many things on my plate,
things that i *should* do today…
but still
as of right now
everything feels
kind of…
aligned.]
kipventures 